Wozniak: “Apple is not the company I had hoped it would be. I always thought that a major player in the personal computer business, with its label on the products, would be composed of top engineers and multiple labs full of scientists developing new devices out of physics and chemistry.”

Woz? In general? STFU.

Something called SneakyBusiness has compiled their best advice for Apple:

Create a dual CEO. As companies transition to a more effective 24×7 operation, the introduction of an alternative ‘night shift’ CEO can have dramatic effects. Over time, as the world realizes that two individuals are actually in place, the second CEO can assume more prominent daytime activities.

Introduce deliberate mistakes. Carefully planned errors, selected for minimal financial impact, can help to reduce the halo effect of a hyper-successful CEO. A minor overseas gaffe or ill-judged CEO product demo are good examples.
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Okay, this FakeSteve guy is not only in many ways better than the real thing could possibly be . . . as well as so like himself as to give the true Jobso fan chills up and down the spine (I leave it to you to decide who “himself” is) … he is now, also, a friggin genius.

For surely “Not that one, my Bidness Nose!” shall go down in the Book of Great Lines Read the rest of this entry »

Apple’s shares slipped less than 1 per cent in after-market trading on Wednesday, suggesting that investors did not believe that Mr Jobs’ admission would weaken his position at the company.

Clearly, there is some confusion out there, In what I call PC-Land, what you probably call, the world.

Steve is the company, the company is Steve.

Look at it this way: Once, in partnership (ha) with my then-(ha) husband (ha) (where am I?) I owned a lovely Mercedes that also went like a son of a bitch. Which is to say, beautifully, smoothly, extremely fast. What a tool for getting from here to there. And we had our little joke, because we had more money than seemed possible, then. It went, Why isn’t everybody smart enough to drive a Mercedes. Some joke. Read the rest of this entry »

Mac Backup Software that is Harmful?

How can zis be?

Becozz eet eats opp all ze metadata?

Let me give you my own personal take on that: I HATE metadata.

I hate whoever thought it up, I hate whoever foisted it upon the lives of OS X users, most of whom have their hands full just wading through their data. (80GB? 100GB?) Fuck meta. Just the thought of data-about-data gives me one of those Through The Looking Glass headaches.

Take a Memo: 1 Infinite Loop, Cupertino CA. (And no there ain’t no stinkin’ comma there, god damn it) The day I want to find something on my computer by “Model of the device used to acquire this document” or “Whether red eye correction was on or off” or “Method used to deliver the media (Fast Start or RSTP)” … mark it on your calendar, boys, because that’s the day they throw an ice-skating party in hell.

Just tell me where my file is. And that’s all! I don’t want to know another god damn thing about it! Just find it and show me a list! I will click on my choice, Spotlight will go away, and that will be the end of it!

But no. That would be so un-Apple-like. Where’s the mystery in drab old Find.

I suppose in the rarefied air of #1 Endless, they’re also oblivious to the fact that Spotlight has spawned a whole new category of shareware: Spotlight workarounds and potentially human-usable interfaces. I use a Finder hack so that Command-F—get this—finds the file I’m looking for.

And when I want to know more than that, here’s what I’ll do: GET A LIFE.

Steve must have a zillion photos and also give a rat’s ass about classifying them according EXIF data, whatever that is. No, I know what that is, it’s one of the things people imagine is important when they don’t know how to stop.

You’re lookin’ much better, Steveness. (May I call you Steveness? For short?) Which is why I feel free to tear into your ass. But try not to scare us like that again. Almost dropped my iPod. (Sung to the tune of Almost Cut My Hair.) (Well, in my head it is.)