Sung to the tune please of Yes, Jesus Loves Me and you’re a fool if you click on that link.

I am all a-twitter—oh hell, can’t use that word no more—all acquiver ’cause of the Macalope this morning:

. . . most excitingly, Jason Snell reads the tea leaves that strangely come out of Tim Cook’s mouth the same way the Macalope does: something wicked boss this way comes. The horny one’s fevered dreams are full of the possibilities for this device that nimbly sashays its way toward Bethlehem, but he won’t taint your personal creative juices with his particular brand of Kool-Aid. This is a time to savor, Apple followers. Something’s around the corner. Let your imagination run wild. And then let Apple blow your mind.

And, okay, probably make you complain about the price.

I can’t stand it. The Macalope is one nifty writer—yes you are, you furry antlered thing, you—it’s the suspense that’s killing me. Steve doesn’t release what people want, as I think I already told you and here I am having to do it again, He releases what they can’t imagine but just lay eyes on and whoa, bar the door. Another small point: I hate to question matters Jesus-related, but once you’ve released the Jesus Phone, what then? Oh master, what then?

Apple To Netbooks: Drop Dead

says Snell’s headline, but you have to know how to read these runes. Which way the wheat shafts fall. Snell on Tim Cook: (and he is da man. He da Apple Kreminology man)

If you follow Apple regularly, you’ll know that the company often runs down its competitors in a category before introducing its own game-changing product in that category. …

Tim Cook: If we can find a way to deliver an innovative product that really makes a contribution, then we’ll do that. We have some interesting ideas in this space. The product pipeline is fantastic for the Mac. If you look at the past, in 17 of the last 18 quarters we’ve exceeded the market rate of growth, and to exceed it in this horrendous economy is quite an accomplishment, especially if you look at these very low-cost netbooks that I think is a stretch to call it a personal computer, that are really propping up unit numbers as a whole.

Then comes the tease. Cook is suggesting that perhaps Apple is working on an “innovative product that makes a contribution”—not a big shocker there. In three months, the ideas Apple has for the netbook space have become “interesting.”

And finally, the hammer: “I think [it’s] a stretch to call [the netbook] a personal computer.” Ouch. With smack talk like that, can Apple’s entry into the netbook market be far behind?

Pardon me, yarrow stalks, pardon me. Smack talk. Start saving your pennies.

So I thought I’d get into the rune biz myself, and asked the the online yarrow stalks, “Is Apple going to release a netbook?”

The things least apparent, those below and behind, are embodied by the lower trigram Li (Fire), which is transforming into Tui (Lake). As part of this process, brightness and warmth are giving way to joy, pleasure, and attraction.”

Nice, but I refined the question: “Is Apple going to release something better than a netbook?”

The situation is evolving slowly, and Yin (the passive feminine force) is gaining ground.

Yeah, yeah, we knew that.

I tried being less lame: “Is Apple going to release a product by summer that will blow our collective mind?”  … because really, you could go on with this all day (and we used to, when there was both dope and time enough.)

The future is embodied in Hexagram 63 – Chi Chi (After Completion): We see progress and success in small matters. There will be advantage in being firm and correct. There has been good fortune in the beginning, but there may be disorder in the end.

Ooh, ooh. Pushing and shoving in the long lines that will begin forming outside Apple stores a good twenty-four hours before Product X is released! Whatever you do, Apple—is it too late to beg?—please don’t tie me to AT&T.

Tags: apple, steve jobs, the macalope

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