So Dan Lyons Calls

Okay, he didn't exactly call, he emailed—I so wanted to do one FakeSteve header. I also wanted to post Dan's reply not only because is it as full of shit as previously asserted, but also that it's such a wonderful example of trying to prove the case.

I just wrote to gruber and told him what I'm bout to tell you. I shut down fake Steve cause of health reasons.

Dan, elaborate on the steaming pile if you wish ... but you had the same access to the interwebs as did I, (one assumes) and whoa, I saw all kinds of icky details about post-Whipple procedures and the like (thankfully blocked out.)

And look, it's not like those of us who have followed Teh Steve—and for, let me take a wild guess, way longer than you—haven't had our own little shocks. And did we run off and do something impulsive and stupid?

No, and I don't think you did, either. Give us a little credit, before you completely hose yours.

Look at the fucking guy! He looks like shit. You got the stomach to make fun of someone who's suffering? I don't. I mean, I'm an asshole but I've got limits.

It doesn't so much matter whether you're an asshole, however strenuously you do make the case, as it does the, um, integrity of your future efforts.

Newsweek didn't make me shut down. Quite the opposite. They wanted to take over the blog when my forbes deal ran out. They love fake Steve.

OMG. They love FakeSteve. What kiss of death is that.

Thanks for your kind words bout fake Steve and sorry it's not as exciting to read real dan.

And there you do have my point. It is an extraordinarily lame idea to write as Dan Lyons-the-former-FakeSteve ... precisely because you are not that astonishing creation. Exciting doesn't half say it, and pleeeze don't try the self-pity angle, this ain't my first time at the table.

My advice? Ignore the undoubted fuckheads at Newsweek. You struck memorable, funny gold once

Folks please read the entire article. It's a gem. Except the parts where Woz says the company has changed and we put too much emphasis on making products look cool. That part you can just skip right over.

Tell 'em

Sit back down, strap yourself in, and shut the fuck up, crackers

and take it somewhere madly, wickedly new.