Pastor Becky

Well, first place, any church camp for teens run by an overweight person who goes by her first name, that stinks to high hell of psychological problems we don't even want to think about. Do we.

Of course she wears glasses. And curly hair most all cut off. Can't you take nothin for granted?

So these kids, their hormones are buzzin and pretty soon she's got them yappin like dogs, weeping for Christ and George W. Bush, who almost overlap, both bein' in the Pantheon, you see. Pastor Becky's got her eye on a spot for herself, but it don't do to move too fast. How many souls do you s'pose you have to save before you can sit up there with Christ?

When Pastor Becky thinks about very large numbers, she has to take a extra Ativan. Doctor says so. And the headaches from the yappin' you just would not believe. Sometimes Pastor Becky lets herself be weak and dwell upon her years behind the cosmetics counter, where is was so damn quiet and the most she had to puzzle over was mascara, brush or wand. Oh here, she sometimes thought, take the wand you old bag and go home—but seldom, because she wasn't being tested for the Lord, in those days.

Not like this. For one thing, sex. Pastor Becky is certain that at least eight of her campers are humpin' like bunnies and she wishes to heck she had hired more Juniors for Jesus. Zip! Zip! Zip! She couldn't very well unzip every sleeping bag herself now could she. Not and get a good night's sleep. Besides which, it made Pastor Becky remember highschool—and what she wanted more than anything else, right now, was to forget her past, forget there is even such a thing as the future, and most of all forget she was stuck for life in that body, and wouldn't ever be Pure Spirit.

Does the Spirit appreciate Ativan? She chomped another one down ...

link: inspiration for this little fictive dream

Another Happy Mac User Heard From

“Well, I just priced out a new workstation comparing the top of the line MacPro and an equivalently configured Dell. I ended up buying the 3.0Ghz version of the MacPro for $1000 cheaper than an equivalent Dell. I'll be honest: I read that and I thought you were lying. So I went and looked for myself, and sure enough, I can't duplicate your results. I can't get the Dell price down far enough. Only $1000 more expensive than the MacPro? The best I can do is $1500 more expensive. Excuse me while I go and try to find all the pieces of my entire fucking worldview that you just completely shattered.”

You'll Thank Me

No, really you will. I was fixing a broken link in Just One or Two More Things ...when I heard The Call ... to bring to public attention, in a post all its own, THE most amazing Springsteen guitar solo you will ever hope to see/hear ...

(The new prominence of youtube and its erstwhile imitators, among which forget google video, geesh, it may have been first but it sure is the loadiest, and clue, youtube is like free ... conflates the senses ... ) Where was I. Writing my way into another post entire, is where.

For now, you've got your orders: Turn the volume to max, select for fullscreen. The transcendent moment is everywhere. The time, July 1978, the place, Phoenix, the Boss, of course, Bruuuuuuce. Here, as we used to say, take a hit off this*.

*2.13.07 It's gone. I downloaded it, mine now, ha ha Viacom, 100,000 fucking clips removed. Swooped in like bats and cleaned out all the good stuff, didn't ya. Corporate fools. Way to win hearts and minds, fool. Fool.

Quelle horreur!

Mac Backup Software that is Harmful?

How can zis be?

Becozz eet eats opp all ze metadata?

Let me give you my own personal take on that: I HATE metadata.

I hate whoever thought it up, I hate whoever foisted it upon the lives of OS X users, most of whom have their hands full just wading through their data. (80GB? 100GB?) Fuck meta. Just the thought of data-about-data gives me one of those Through The Looking Glass headaches.

Take a Memo: 1 Infinite Loop, Cupertino CA. (And no there ain't no stinkin' comma there, god damn it) The day I want to find something on my computer by "Model of the device used to acquire this document" or "Whether red eye correction was on or off" or "Method used to deliver the media (Fast Start or RSTP)" ... mark it on your calendar, boys, because that's the day they throw an ice-skating party in hell.

Just tell me where my file is. And that's all! I don't want to know another god damn thing about it! Just find it and show me a list! I will click on my choice, Spotlight will go away, and that will be the end of it!

But no. That would be so un-Apple-like. Where's the mystery in drab old Find.

I suppose in the rarefied air of #1 Endless, they're also oblivious to the fact that Spotlight has spawned a whole new category of shareware: Spotlight workarounds and potentially human-usable interfaces. I use a Finder hack so that Command-F—get this—finds the file I'm looking for.

And when I want to know more than that, here's what I'll do: GET A LIFE.

Steve must have a zillion photos and also give a rat's ass about classifying them according EXIF data, whatever that is. No, I know what that is, it's one of the things people imagine is important when they don't know how to stop.

You're lookin' much better, Steveness. (May I call you Steveness? For short?) Which is why I feel free to tear into your ass. But try not to scare us like that again. Almost dropped my iPod. (Sung to the tune of Almost Cut My Hair.) (Well, in my head it is.)

Dave. Dave. What Are You Doing, Dave

Uh, Dave? Whatever you wanna call it, and however interesting, the question of what to render first and why—I was wondering if we could just fucking skip it and let Safari be the Bitch Queen she used to be?

'K?

And you got any questions on what's missing, we could start with:

Uno—I have not been able to upload anything anywhere with Safari going on two years now.

Dos—There's that little javascript problem, the description of which is over my head but you know, it's the one that never gets worked out, release after release after release.

And we could talk about KDE and whether there will ever be Rich Text editing in Safari, or little things I'm not supposed to care about, like Google toolbars.

Not that one wants to be like everyone else—Gecko, blech, except for Camino (how they do that?)—I swear, only a group of feature-starved Windoze users could get so excited about a freaky-looking mess like Firefox. Pink fairies? Race cars? Hell-o?

If I sound a trifle bitter, it's prolly the extra RAM to keep Camino running in the background, for whenever Safari does her random dance of “I Don' Know Nothin' 'Bout Renderin' No Java , Miz Scarlett.”

It's in there. I know it's in there. What I don't know is what in hell you WebKit guys do every day. While Firefox has extensions that answer the door and work on the Space Elevator, both at the same time ... I just want to use the Mac Browser of Choice. Cuz you know and I know, She has us both by the shorts; there isn't any question of a substitute—there are no workarounds for the best, Dave, She is the BQ.

Somehow I sense, clear as glass, without knowing a thing about your problems at WebKit Central, that there is only the removal of some layer of crap—experimental, busy-work crap—standing in the way of the smooth and speedy Bitch Queen living up to her interface once again.

I could be wrong. Though probably, in my witless intuition, not.

"Cheney’s Power No Longer Goes Unquestioned"

So says the New York Times, on ... jesus, was it yesterday? That can't be right?

Tectonic plates shifted, musta been weeks ago. Which speaks to the whole concept here.

Ain't no small thing. The idea there exists in natures any lever with which to pry Cheney from his seat. I'll leave you to think about what seat.

But what I think is, Whoa—A strike for Democracy!

What I think is, The battle for Democracy has been going on over here. We The People vs. Halliburton, in the largest sense.

You dislodge that Monstrous Machine, you done something for the People. I don't care if it's just the GOP wanting to ever get elected again. Doesn't matter. That's the democratic process, that's life.

But the Halliburton-Corporate Profit-Amoral-Death-Machine belongs to no process but to promote itself and its own—that's what makes it amoral, it has no business running the White House (course in this case someone had to) and, well, I am pretty much too stunned to know sensibly what to say.

It was already like Christmas to read about Rove's demotion.

Oh are Happy Days are Here Again?

Rest Easy, Tera Girl

That Mac PDA is going to come through, by hook or by crook—or maybe on a phone, I don't care and I know you wouldn't have; it takes guts to keep a silly dream alive, and by god, Apple is going to deliver. Something.

You were so great to read on Mac 360, warm and smart—and silver hair! Exactly what the Mac community needed! I, like a million others, am going to miss you ... and that Mac PDA? You know I will always be ...

Wishin' and hopin',
zo