I Am The STEVE your CEO

And the Steve spake unto Ari and Hyatt ... saying unto them,

Speak unto the children of Apple, saying, These are the browsers which ye shall use among all the software that are on the earth.

Whatsoever implementeth the tabs, and render the text, and render the CSS, among the browsers, that shall ye use.

Nevertheless these shall ye not use of them that render the text, or of them that implement the tab: as the Lynx, because he render the text, but implementeth not the tabs, nor render the CSS; he is unclean unto you.

And the Internet Explorer, because he render the text, but implementeth not the tab, and render not the CSS; he is unclean unto you.

And the iCab, because he render the text, but implementeth not the tab, and render not the CSS; he is unclean unto you.

And the Opera, though he implement the tab, and render the text, yet he render not the CSS and he creepeth on the page loading; he is unclean to you.

Of their code shall ye not use, and their executable shall ye not touch; they are unclean to you.

These also shall be unclean unto you among the creeping things that creep upon the page loading; the Netscape, and the OmniWeb, and the WebDesktop after his kind.

And upon whatsoever any of them, when they crash, doth fall, it shall be unclean; whether it be any disk, or CD, or server, or tape, whatsoever storage it be, wherein any work is done, it must be erased, and it shall be unclean until the even; so it shall be cleansed.

And if any browser, of which ye may use: blink; he that toucheth the executable thereof shall be unclean until the even.

For I am the STEVE your CEO: ye shall therefore sanctify yourselves, and ye shall be holy; for I am holy: neither shall ye defile yourselves with any manner of creeping browser that creepeth upon the page loading.

For I am the STEVE that bringeth you up out of the land of Windows, to be your CEO: ye shall therefore be holy, for I am holy.

This is the law of the browsers, and of the software, and of every application that runneth on the client, and of every application that loadeth upon the server:

To make a difference between the unclean and the clean, and between the browser that may be used and the browser that may not be used.

Comments:
Would you please address the issue of shellfish? I know they have not scales and neither have they fins, and they liveth in the seas and in the rivers, but it seems to me that calling them 'abominations' is a wee bit harsh.

Also, why am I allowed to eat beetles but not ferrets?

Well, apparently my fond babies have gone, slipped away in the night, at some point in the last, oh, three or four years, so that I feel called upon to post and thereby mount for all eternity this page, from perversiontracker.com, and if ever there were a dot and a com ... my god, what raw talent. And the commenter! Who shall gather up these treasures. Oh, all fucking right, the Wayback Machine ... but since my authorial stance demands that this persona called Zo shall stand at the center of the universe, hey.

You really have to know and love Apple to appreciate the way in which put on and reality weave their way through this Morris Dance of a post, a spirit that Cringely, among others, has caught and does so well ... the worse Microsoft does, the better Cringely gets ... I was once married to someone like that, but in the least positive sense; the lower I got, the zestier his outlook (zestier? I don't know if I even want to make up that one.) Whereas Cringely has taste, and manners. Okay, class. Okay, more class than me, are you happy now? I still now and then recite to myself, for the sheer pleasure of it, “And Microsoft? Microsoft doesn't have a dog in this fight.”

Which captured the spirit of the moment with such perfection, it was as if I could see Gates standing on the sidelines, with the same entertained-yet-clueless expression with which some of us are so familiar, whilst Apple and Google get to do all the interesting things. Like live in and deal with the present. You Microsoft shareholders are fuckin' lucky that the software infiltrated business, but I do wonder what you're going to do when they come for you, I mean, when the operating system crumbles like ancient, ill-made papier mache. I care.

So there will be shit flung at this post, on account of this post, because, have you noticed, any sort of reverence, even a play upon reverence, a gentle making fun of ... is unbearable to those embedded in lives of nastiness of their own making. Ooooh, they hate anyone having a good time. Oooooh, they hate any fun that smacks of love.